How can we control our emotions? By allowing our emotions to be.
Here’s the reality: When you talk about control then be equally ready to talk about resistance. What wants to be controlled? Who wants to be controlled? Do you?
The thing that you attempt to control is, quite likely, going to eventually resist — if it doesn’t resist immediately. This is true of thoughts and it’s equally true of emotions, which are physical responses to thoughts.
Thoughts will not tolerate being controlled by us. When we attempt to grab hold of a thought the thought can quickly grow into a monster and terrorize us endlessly. Much, much better for us and our thoughts both if we leave the thought alone. Be aware of the thought, observe it, but otherwise let it be.
This advice goes for emotions as well. Let’s consider an example of anger. When anger comes into our awareness we typically, and often unconsciously, take possession of it. We grab it. From there we are infused with the energy of the anger emotion and mimic it.
I am angry!
As we hold on to the anger emotion, as we keep it captive, it grows and infuses us more and more with its energy. We become more and more angry — until we let the anger emotion go. Finally free from our grasp, the anger emotion is allowed to go on its way.
If we don’t grab the anger from the outset, if we observe the anger but do nothing else but observe it, it will come into our awareness, stay briefly, and then go on its way. This is what happens with thoughts — or life stories as I sometimes refer to them — and with emotions as well. If they are unimpeded they move into our awareness and move back out, and the entire thing usually happens very quickly.
Stop this flow by “holding on” to the emotion and the emotion can no longer move — you’re stuck with it; or more accurately it’s stuck with you since you’re holding on to it, not vice versa.
If you want to lessen the impact of emotions on your life then first have awareness. Do not unconsciously attach yourself to emotions that move through your experience: be aware of them.There is anger… There is anxiety… There is depression…There is a natural distance, a natural separation, between you and emotions. Awareness maintains this separation; unconsciousness removes it.
Once you are aware of an emotion then leave it alone. You do not have to do anything with, or in response to, an emotion. Let it be there and otherwise DO NOTHING. The emotion will quickly move on from this.
Also, try to avoid labeling your emotional experiences. I shouldn’t be feeling this way! Emotions are not wrong and are not abnormal; to the contrary, emotional experiences while in body is the norm — and this goes for emotional experiences across the spectrum. Emotional experiences aren’t hurtful: grabbing hold of, and becoming one with, emotional experiences certainly can be hurtful.
In closing, don’t try to control your emotions… Allow them.
Find more information on allowing and observation as a means for life improvement Here.