How Can I Be Less Shy?

An Inquiry: I hate being shy so much… …I’m sick of being too shy to sometimes ask for things, not speaking loud enough, being sometimes awkward in a conversation, not taking good opportunities, not making new friends, etc… How can I be less shy and more outgoing?

How We Would Respond: You want to stop being shy so that you can come across in a particular way. This desire to come across in a particular way is a very clear indication that you’re concerned about the opinions of others. Being concerned about others’ opinions, the desire to be judged by others in a particular way, is why you’re “shy” to begin with.

If you were unconcerned about how others perceive you, you wouldn’t label yourself in one way or another. You wouldn’t have any motivation to describe yourself; you would simply be.

Your experience of shyness is, very simply, a case of you accepting as true a judgment within your awareness that you are inadequate — that others are more significant than you are and so you should defer to them. This judgment becomes true for you when you accept it as true; and presently, you do accept it as the truth.